“Who is your OB?” “Which hospital are you giving birth at…St. Francis or Greenville Memorial?” I receive those questions on a regular basis and always inwardly cringe and brace myself for the inevitable reaction when I reply, “Well, actually I’m using a midwife.”
I’ve gotten a variety of responses to that statement. Usually the first reply is…”So….you mean you aren’t getting an epidural?!?! OMG!!! HA--Good luck with that honey! More power to ‘ya.” Usually when the shock of that wears off, most of my friends and family have been supportive or at least accepting. Several friends have shared that they find my decision inspirational and are considering the same option once they have become pregnant. I’ve only had a few people give me some serious flack over it, and I’ve just learned to drop the subject…you can’t convince everyone and you have to do what you feel is best for you and your baby.
Originally, I never in a million years pictured myself using a midwife or doing childbirth completely natural and drug free. In fact, I always figured I’d end up like my mother, having a C-Section after 24 hours of grueling labor, and complications from an epidural. I’m not what you would consider your stereotypical midwife client. I always pictured crunchy moms, women who were into doing things completely organic and natural, tree-hugging women who were a bit on the hippie side (think back to that home-birth scene in “The Back-up Plan”)—which as you know, that is totally NOT me. And honestly, there are more “normal” women that choose this option more than you might think.
However, circumstances led me to research giving birth with a midwife. My husband is self-employed and I work for a small business, so we have to buy our own insurance. If we wanted insurance that would cover maternity, it would cost us at least $500 a month…and we would have to wait several years to become pregnant before it would even become covered. It didn’t sound worth it in our opinion, plus we couldn’t afford it. We also make double the minimum income that is required in order to receive government assistance for pregnancy. As prideful as I was, I did look into it upon discovering my pregnancy, but quickly learned it was out of the question. And once I started calling around to hospitals and OBs, I learned that the out-of-pocket expenses would cause us to go into a huge amount of debt and I certainly didn’t want to support another family member with a load of debt on our shoulders. So, I watched a documentary about midwives, spoke with a family member who used one, read as much as a could about it online, and ultimately met and interviewed our current midwife for a grueling two hours (bless her heart)! I’ve never met or heard of anyone that regretted their decision of choosing a homebirth/birthing center over a hospital. We prayed about it, and we felt at peace with our decision.
So, just to clear the air and answer all of those questions, here are some of the most common ones I get:
“So, you’re going without an epidural?!”
Yes, I am. Go ahead, gasp, gawk and make bets behind my back that I will end up in a begging for one in a hospital before the labor is finished. I realize pushing something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon is unfathomably painful, but women had to do it for thousands of years up until the last century. God designed and created our bodies to give birth. In fact, back in 1948, my Grandma Moye gave birth to my father with a midwife in her bedroom, and did it with no epidural. We’re made of the same cloth and have the same spirit and spunk, and if she can do it, I can do it, too. And honestly, when people tell me that I won’t be able to (and yes, I’ve had a few people actually tell me that), it just adds fuel to my fire. I’m not a competitive person, but nothing lights a fire under my butt more than having someone tell me that I’m incapable of accomplishing something.
And a more scientifically based note, I’ve done research and found that Pitocin actually makes the contractions so much more intense and painful, and with no catalyst labor-enhancing drug, the contractions are a lot more bearable. I know the “ring of fire” will be no walk in the park, but luckily, that’s only at the very end. The birthing center will also have Jacuzzi tubs available to help ease the pain, and to prevent tearing. Also, the fact that I’ll be moving around…and not laying on my back, will help expedite the labor and help the baby move down faster. My mother also had a reaction to an epidural and was physically unable to push after receiving hers…resulting in both her and me going into distress because the labor couldn’t progress…and ultimately resulting in my emergency c-section. I don’t want a repeat of that. So, yes, I know it will hurt, and I will likely scream and cry and let a few cuss words rip and curse my poor husband for knocking me up…but I also know that when I hold my little girl for the first time, that pain will dissipate and it will be completely worth it.
“Are you getting any prenatal care?”
Oh my goodness, yes! Superb, top-notch care. My midwife gives me 45 minutes at every visit. She never rushes me, allows me to ask incessant, nit-picky questions, yet never makes me feel stupid. Laura and Amy are very well-informed and have years of experience and hundreds of births under their belts. At each monthly visit, we listen to the heartbeat, I get my blood-pressure read, I have my urine tested each time for glucose and protein levels, and we discuss my diet, exercise and she asks me a list of benchmark questions each time. I also see an OB at the beginning and end of the pregnancy as well, as required by South Carolina law. He communicates and has a working relationship with the midwives and I also have my blood work done with him. At 19 weeks, I had Vivian’s anatomy scan ultrasound and at 28 weeks, I’ll have the oh-so-fun glucose test done. The last month of the pregnancy, I’ll see my midwife every week and I’ll also receive post-partum visits from her…in which, she’ll actually drive to my house. So, I would say that, yes, I get excellent prenatal care for a small fraction of the cost.
“What if something goes wrong?”
Because my pregnancy is so closely monitored, chances are a problem will be detected before I go into labor, and if so, my midwife will not hesitate to refer me to an OB, preferably a high-risk OB. They carefully monitor for any situation like pre-ecclampsia, gestational diabetes, placental previa, or having a breeched baby, etc. Should something go downhill during the labor, they tend to be cautious and will admit me to the hospital before things become life-threatening. They do have equipment on site to deal with last minute emergencies and have the ability and the knowledge to handle these situations. After almost 1,000 births, the mortality rate is ZERO. And the birth center is right around the corner from the hospital.
So this is my long, epic post, but hopefully I’ve answered those common questions and cleared up some misconceptions about midwives. No worries, I won’t be having a baby in a barn or in the backseat of the car anytime soon. What began as a situation of circumstance is a decision that I’m actually quite happy with and I can’t picture it any other way. And when people have treated us like we're crazy, irrepsonsible, or assume that we're poor because we're choosing this and throw the "Medicaid" thing our direction, I've learned to shrug it off. I’m nervous about giving birth, but I’m sure all moms are. I don’t feel like my choice is the only choice for everyone…I am not anti-doctor or hospital at all. To each woman, her own. I just feel like for us, it is the right fit.
If you want to check out my midwife’s website, and learn more, you can go to www.scmidwife.com
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