I can't believe almost two months have flown by without a post! This is NOT a good indicator of how well I'm going to keep up with this blogging thing after Vivian's here. There were many times I would think of an interesting topic to write, it was simply mustering up the energy to write it, and getting those creativity juices flowing.
The last couple of months have been a whirlwind of showers, errands, doctor/midwife appointments, nesting, shopping, getting the nursery set up, and just life in general. I have been blessed with four showers...one from my family back home, a friends and family shower up here, a work shower and a church shower. Most of what we need has been provided to us, which is a blessing, because we are paying for her birth completely out of pocket. I also was fortunate enough to score some free prenatal massages, because there were some students at a massage school who needed some practice doing the prenatal type.
Which leads me up to now, just a couple days shy of my 37th week. Physically, I am SO past ready. I can feel a difference in my hips and pelvis, as they've spread apart...I feel like those joints are creaky and rusty and need some WD-40! My feet and ankles look as if they've been stung by a thousand yellow jackets, they are so swollen. My muscles ache, the ligaments in my belly holding up Vivian throb. I can literally feel her head, bearing down on my bladder and pelvic region...it can physically hurt at times. I wake up once per hour to pee during the night. I can't walk--er waddle--very fast at all. At work, I feel like I'm half as efficient, even though it seems these days I have twice the workload and I'm feeling just burnt out. I come home exhausted and drained everyday. I'm sick of strangers constantly telling me that I'm about to "pop" and if someone else asks if I'm having twins, I will scream. Yes, I am ready for my body to be back to normal!
Mentally, emotionally I don't know if I'll ever feel "ready." I have that excited, giddy mixed with trepidation feeling that one gets before a really huge, exciting event. I remember feeling this way before a huge first date with a guy I really liked, the prom, right before I left for college and my first day ever of teaching. Of course, her birth makes those other events pale in comparison, but the emotions are the same. I can't wait to meet her and hold her in my arms, because I feel like I know her already. I'm looking forward to seeing that perfect blend of me and Brad and knowing that she needs me and adores me (and Brad) more than anyone else in the world. Of course, I also have doubts and fears...am I up for this, can we really afford to have a baby, will I have the energy and the know-how to raise a child, etc. But I also know that I have love and support from friends and family and I won't be going this alone.
This will probably be my last blog before she arrives. My next one will probably be written during the twilight hours, when Vivian is all confused and keeping me awake. I hope to have a successful birth story to post (barring gross details and pictures, of course). So, stay tuned!
