Vivian

The definition of "Vivian" according to http://www.urbandictionary.com/ (I thought it was cute).

Vivian:

(n.) one of the most beautiful names a girl can have.

Because it ends with a gentle flow when you pronounce it, it has an elegant and graceful twist to the name. It is also special because Vivian is not as common as other names. Unlike some names that make the girl sound like a total airhead, Vivian sounds graceful and elegantly classy. Parents who name their girls Vivian have refined taste. It is more likely a name for the upper-class.

Any girl with this name is very likely to be pretty with an amazing personality. The name has a sense of beauty with a drop of danger and adventure and fun to it. It is derived from the Latin meaning "life". Adrienne is also a great name for a girl but Vivian is exclusively used for girls.....aka Vivienne or other spellings.

Pretty much any name that ends with a consonant followed by -ian has a beautiful ring to it, like Lillian, Hadrian, Julian, etc.


How can anyone forget the girl named Vivian?

Man, that Vivian is a beautiful girl!

I wish I have a girlfriend named Vivian. She would be gorgeous and lots of fun.

Man, that Vivian is so fun to be around, not to mention she's pretty too!

What's your name? Vivian? That's a gorgeous name!

No girl can be compared to a girl named Vivian.

Yes, I'm Using a Midwife

“Who is your OB?” “Which hospital are you giving birth at…St. Francis or Greenville Memorial?” I receive those questions on a regular basis and always inwardly cringe and brace myself for the inevitable reaction when I reply, “Well, actually I’m using a midwife.”

I’ve gotten a variety of responses to that statement. Usually the first reply is…”So….you mean you aren’t getting an epidural?!?! OMG!!! HA--Good luck with that honey! More power to ‘ya.” Usually when the shock of that wears off, most of my friends and family have been supportive or at least accepting. Several friends have shared that they find my decision inspirational and are considering the same option once they have become pregnant. I’ve only had a few people give me some serious flack over it, and I’ve just learned to drop the subject…you can’t convince everyone and you have to do what you feel is best for you and your baby.

Originally, I never in a million years pictured myself using a midwife or doing childbirth completely natural and drug free. In fact, I always figured I’d end up like my mother, having a C-Section after 24 hours of grueling labor, and complications from an epidural. I’m not what you would consider your stereotypical midwife client. I always pictured crunchy moms, women who were into doing things completely organic and natural, tree-hugging women who were a bit on the hippie side (think back to that home-birth scene in “The Back-up Plan”)—which as you know, that is totally NOT me. And honestly, there are more “normal” women that choose this option more than you might think.

However, circumstances led me to research giving birth with a midwife. My husband is self-employed and I work for a small business, so we have to buy our own insurance. If we wanted insurance that would cover maternity, it would cost us at least $500 a month…and we would have to wait several years to become pregnant before it would even become covered. It didn’t sound worth it in our opinion, plus we couldn’t afford it. We also make double the minimum income that is required in order to receive government assistance for pregnancy. As prideful as I was, I did look into it upon discovering my pregnancy, but quickly learned it was out of the question. And once I started calling around to hospitals and OBs, I learned that the out-of-pocket expenses would cause us to go into a huge amount of debt and I certainly didn’t want to support another family member with a load of debt on our shoulders. So, I watched a documentary about midwives, spoke with a family member who used one, read as much as a could about it online, and ultimately met and interviewed our current midwife for a grueling two hours (bless her heart)! I’ve never met or heard of anyone that regretted their decision of choosing a homebirth/birthing center over a hospital. We prayed about it, and we felt at peace with our decision.

So, just to clear the air and answer all of those questions, here are some of the most common ones I get:

“So, you’re going without an epidural?!”

Yes, I am. Go ahead, gasp, gawk and make bets behind my back that I will end up in a begging for one in a hospital before the labor is finished. I realize pushing something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon is unfathomably painful, but women had to do it for thousands of years up until the last century. God designed and created our bodies to give birth. In fact, back in 1948, my Grandma Moye gave birth to my father with a midwife in her bedroom, and did it with no epidural. We’re made of the same cloth and have the same spirit and spunk, and if she can do it, I can do it, too. And honestly, when people tell me that I won’t be able to (and yes, I’ve had a few people actually tell me that), it just adds fuel to my fire. I’m not a competitive person, but nothing lights a fire under my butt more than having someone tell me that I’m incapable of accomplishing something.

And a more scientifically based note, I’ve done research and found that Pitocin actually makes the contractions so much more intense and painful, and with no catalyst labor-enhancing drug, the contractions are a lot more bearable. I know the “ring of fire” will be no walk in the park, but luckily, that’s only at the very end. The birthing center will also have Jacuzzi tubs available to help ease the pain, and to prevent tearing. Also, the fact that I’ll be moving around…and not laying on my back, will help expedite the labor and help the baby move down faster. My mother also had a reaction to an epidural and was physically unable to push after receiving hers…resulting in both her and me going into distress because the labor couldn’t progress…and ultimately resulting in my emergency c-section. I don’t want a repeat of that. So, yes, I know it will hurt, and I will likely scream and cry and let a few cuss words rip and curse my poor husband for knocking me up…but I also know that when I hold my little girl for the first time, that pain will dissipate and it will be completely worth it.

“Are you getting any prenatal care?”

Oh my goodness, yes! Superb, top-notch care. My midwife gives me 45 minutes at every visit. She never rushes me, allows me to ask incessant, nit-picky questions, yet never makes me feel stupid. Laura and Amy are very well-informed and have years of experience and hundreds of births under their belts. At each monthly visit, we listen to the heartbeat, I get my blood-pressure read, I have my urine tested each time for glucose and protein levels, and we discuss my diet, exercise and she asks me a list of benchmark questions each time. I also see an OB at the beginning and end of the pregnancy as well, as required by South Carolina law. He communicates and has a working relationship with the midwives and I also have my blood work done with him. At 19 weeks, I had Vivian’s anatomy scan ultrasound and at 28 weeks, I’ll have the oh-so-fun glucose test done. The last month of the pregnancy, I’ll see my midwife every week and I’ll also receive post-partum visits from her…in which, she’ll actually drive to my house. So, I would say that, yes, I get excellent prenatal care for a small fraction of the cost.

“What if something goes wrong?”

Because my pregnancy is so closely monitored, chances are a problem will be detected before I go into labor, and if so, my midwife will not hesitate to refer me to an OB, preferably a high-risk OB. They carefully monitor for any situation like pre-ecclampsia, gestational diabetes, placental previa, or having a breeched baby, etc. Should something go downhill during the labor, they tend to be cautious and will admit me to the hospital before things become life-threatening. They do have equipment on site to deal with last minute emergencies and have the ability and the knowledge to handle these situations. After almost 1,000 births, the mortality rate is ZERO. And the birth center is right around the corner from the hospital.

So this is my long, epic post, but hopefully I’ve answered those common questions and cleared up some misconceptions about midwives. No worries, I won’t be having a baby in a barn or in the backseat of the car anytime soon. What began as a situation of circumstance is a decision that I’m actually quite happy with and I can’t picture it any other way. And when people have treated us like we're crazy, irrepsonsible, or assume that we're poor because we're choosing this and throw the "Medicaid" thing our direction, I've learned to shrug it off. I’m nervous about giving birth, but I’m sure all moms are. I don’t feel like my choice is the only choice for everyone…I am not anti-doctor or hospital at all. To each woman, her own. I just feel like for us, it is the right fit.

If you want to check out my midwife’s website, and learn more, you can go to www.scmidwife.com

The Final Hoo-Rah

Brad and I decided to take a long weekend to go to the beach...one last "hoo-rah" before the baby comes. I thought it would be a good idea to go before the weather became too hot and humid and I became a whale.

So, we went down to one of our favorite spots, Hunting Island. We adore Hunting Island, because it's a state park and so it's not overly crowded with gift shops and high-rise hotels and throngs of tourists. However, Beaufort is 15 minutes away if you decide you want to venture out and dine and shop. We always get a campsite within sight of the ocean, and it's the most relaxing feeling in the world to sit out by a bonfire at night, talking to one another and listening to the sound of the tides crashing onto the shore.

We spent the time walking and exploring trails with the dogs. At night we spent time by the bonfire, sometimes in deep conversation, at other times enjoying the silence. We were out on the beach all day Sunday, and I completely forgot to apply sunblock, so I was burnt to a crisp. Normally I have a nice base tan from the tanning bed, but since that is one of the things you are banned from during pregnancy, I was as white as a ghost when we first arrived at the beach. Now I'm a tomato with a raccoon face, because I wore chunky sunglasses and it left an awful tan-line. Brad and I joked that we were quite a sight...me being a pregnant tomato and him having the most obvious farmer's tan of all time!!

We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and left feeling relaxed, but bittersweet, because it's the last time we will be vacationing, just the two of us. I'm sure we will still be able to get away from time to time, but it will be a rarity and I'm sure we'll worry about our kids the whole time. We talked about renting a cottage on Edisto Island next year and just having a laid back vacation with Vivian. It will certainly be a few years before we'll be ready to tackle a place with numerous attractions and activities (ie Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg).

Fears

Reality is really starting to set in. With every kick that Vivian gives (which have been stronger and more frequent by the day) it's a constant reminder that she's real and not imaginary. Being able to call her by name, setting up a registry, designing her nursery, making monthly payments to the midwife for her upcoming birth...it is all becoming overwhelmingly solid.

For the most part, I'm excited. I spend much of my time imagining who she'll look like, who she'll take after personality-wise, the adventures we'll have together. And it's those thoughts that keep me sane and grounded. An equal amount of time, I have other fears and doubts creep through my mind.

For one thing, I have no idea what in the HECK I'm doing. I've worked with children before, but I have no experience with newborn babies. Newborns have always intimidated me, so I usually just admire them from a distance. I've pestered my friends who are already young mothers with a plethora of questions concerning feeding, a sleeping schedule, what to register for, what to dress them in (do they really need a long sleeve onesie to sleep in if they are already swaddled with a blanket)...there are so many nit picky questions that I have. It nags at me all day.

Another fear is money...or the lack thereof. It's not that Brad and I are poor...we just don't have an overabundance of money either. And children cost a lot of money...I'm learning that very quickly. Sure, you don't have to dress them in clothes from Gymboree or that cute little botique...Wal-Mart gets the job done, and your baby will survive just fine if he or she wears store brand instead of Pampers, but even if you cut down on a lot of expenses, there are still many more you can't avoid. What if this baby gets sick all the time...can we afford the doctor bills? There are times with just the two of us that I feel like we live paycheck to paycheck...how in the world are we going to afford another one of us? I'm already planning on breastfeeding, cloth diapering part time, purchasing clothes from consignment and honing in on my sewing skills to make cute dresses, and making home-made baby food to shave down costs, but there are so many other costs to counteract those savings. Childcare is going to be a beast to pay for, and will eat a chunk of my modest income, yet I can't afford to quit my job until Brad's business is set and he has a full clientele. I feel screwed either way.

Which leads to my next fear...working full time and being a full time mother. There are plenty of women that do it, but I feel like my life is hectic and exhausting enough without factoring in a 40 hour work-week. Sure, stay at home moms will talk about how tough it is, but face it: if your baby is up all night screaming, you have the luxury of napping the next day while the baby naps. Meanwhile, I have to splash cold water on my face, and bring a huge thermos of coffee with me to work. How in the world am I going to manage to have the time and energy to dedicate to being the best mom I can be, when I feel like half of me is going to have to be dedicated to my job??

Which leads to another fear of having to do it all...my husband is one of the most hardworking, dedicated people I know. It's a trait that I love him for and also I trait that I can loathe at times. He has no clue how to politely say "no". He stretches himself too thin and I feel like a lot of times I get the exhausted, sloppy seconds. There are many evenings where I only see him for a short time before he crashes into bed. Life is even crazier than ever with him working full time with his brother and trying to set up his own business, taking care of his new clients, and is out bidding jobs trying to recruit more clients. Right now, as I write this, he is still out on a job. An early evening is him arriving home at 6:00-6:30. He is working most of the day on Saturday. I feel like on top of being a working mom, I'm going to be a single mom, too. I feel like he's going to be walking through the door right as I'm putting Vivian to bed each night. I personally know what it's like to have a dad that works himself into the ground, and it sucks. Not only do I fear he's never going to see her, I fear I'm going to be going this alone. I know it sounds silly, for those that know Brad, but that's how I feel.

And lastly, I feel the huge burden of knowing that I am responsible for bringing this baby up to be a woman of character. For bringing a soul into existence for eternity. I think back to how I was growing up and I could be a holy terror sometimes. I know everyone feels that way when they glimpse back to their childhood, but I gave my folks a run for their money...and quite a few gray hairs. I cringe when I think of how I back-talked to my parents--I would say horrible things-- and would lie and sneak around behind their backs. I made so many mistakes as a teenager and young adult. It's a wonder I didn't wind up dead in a ditch somewhere, but God had his hand on me. Of course, every parents' prayer is that their child will grow up to be a huge goody-two-shoes, but this girl has my DNA and I'm afraid she'll inherit my innocent exterior with my hidden bad-girl persona. I will pray that isn't so and that I can help her avoid so many of the mistakes and heartaches and pitfalls that I endured.

Well, I know this has been a negative post, but I like to keep things honest. This isn't just your typical baby blog with belly photos and nursery pictures--although I'll throw those in from time to time. This is a real, candid look at the inside of a mom-to-be...and all the trials, joys and tribulations and thoughts that I will endure. If you've stuck with me thus far, thanks!!